The Ick

This is all said in a playful tone— I’m not mad over this or feeling wronged like in some other posts. It’s just funny and sort of a relief to experience being more..disinterested? 🙃

1/21: This didn’t last long.
   

Any lingering romantic feelings for my friend seem to be getting put to rest. He didn’t do anything ‘wrong’ and I still think he’s wonderful and handsome. He simply made a statement that made my ovaries shrivel up, run, and hide. 😂 I told M how my son coughed up something he choked on, and he said “More and more I’m glad I don’t have kids.”

Well, okey dokie! There was nothing inherently bad or shameful about his statement. It was funny! But hearing that as a single parent, who would be thrilled to potentially have another baby with a loving partner, was just the biggest turn-off ever. I can’t help it!

I cannot relate to that or be romantically compatible with a man who doesn’t want children. Especially since I literally already have a child..

Guess M has ruled out ever seriously dating a single mother or getting married and having a baby. —which, once more, is perfectly acceptable! People have the right to their individual preferences. But just.. nah. Not my cup of tea. Just as being a parent isn’t his. 🤪

For me, the positives far outweigh any negatives when it comes to having a child.. So I cannot relate to not wanting something as beautiful as being a parent over the added responsibility/stress.

Truly loving anyone is an additional responsibility that can occasionally be hella stressful. Healthy love is beyond worth that! Nearly everything worthwhile has difficult components requiring effort and a degree of selflessness.

I wouldn’t trade being a mother for anything in the world. No mistake my son makes and no amount of effort he requires will ever change that. As a parent, I will immediately be 100% incompatible with a man who has no desire to ever become one.

In the past M said he wanted to have a child of his own.. Plus he’s always seemed like he’d make a loving parent. I think he could be a great dad. But alrighty. Maybe hitting 45 changed that for him? 

As beautiful as I think my friend is through and through, I am currently unable to feel sexually attracted to him. This is a good thing because moving on from seeing him in a romantic light has been a struggle for me! I care for the man, so it gets confusing when that physical attraction is there too. But now.. welp, knowing he doesn’t want kids has muted it. It’s just not appealing to me. I want a family man. A man who can love and wants a family to care for is just..so sexy. It feels like a safe place to invest oneself.

Ya know that trend going around with younger people sharing what things someone can do to give them the ick? Well, that trend often annoys me because some people lose interest/rule others out over things I find rather trivial.. —but I think being totally turned-off by a man who doesn't want kids when you're already a mom is pretty darn understandable! So yeah. My adorable and deeply appreciated friend M has officially given me the ick. :P Which is only fair, since apparently I've been a big fat ick for him this entire time.

M referencing my kid like he's a burden he's glad not to have! Geeeeze— How did he think I'd take that as a single mom he knew liked him?? Not well. HAHA! Now we're mutually uninterested. My friend doesn't want me or kids! How much clearer can he be!??

I'm moving on (romantically)— even if I adore him as a whole and think he deserves the world. I'd still be struggling with not wanting him as more than a friend if I hadn't learned he views parenthood as a negative.

Can you imagine a man knowingly trying to pursue a single mom and then telling her “I’m glad I don’t have kids” or “I don’t want kids” if he was actually interested in her? Ha. I don’t think so. So he must no longer like me that way. This is the final hint, and I’m taking it! 👍

Sharing a detail from my day that involved my kid made him glad he doesn’t have one?? Damn, dude. Fine then.

A kid having goofy, frustrating, or even scary moments comes with the territory of being a parent. Just like people acting human comes with the territory of having any type of real relationship. MY KID IS AWESOME and anyone would be lucky to have him in their life. So whatever!

M doesn’t want kids, and learning facts about my kid makes him glad he doesn’t have any, huh? Ha! Oh well. M didn't like me back anyway, so this knowledge repulsing me/giving me lady blue balls is a good thing. 🤣☠️ Cool.. Anyways!

Oh, and just to be clear— it is completely acceptable and valid for a person to not want kids or have the same needs as I do. This silly little rant was strictly about how a gentleman saying he doesn't want kids / is glad not to have any (which to me is the same thing) is a compatibility issue.. and a major turn-off.

I simply can’t be romantically interested in someone who happens to have extremely different life priorities and core values. I have ALWAYS wanted my own little family to give all my love and effort. That’s what I want my life to revolve around.. family, care, comfort.. a home. Love isn't about convenience or perfection. I find purpose in loving others fully. I want that more than anything. Heck, when I was young I wanted to get married and have five kids! 😆 Not able to hope for such a big bunch now, but a family unit with child/children is a goal and deep desire of mine I rank above all other fleeting wants I may possess.🖤

As far as my friend is concerned, I hope he considers at least getting a dog one day. He’d be an amazing dog-dad! He deserves that companionship and unconditional love.

His priorities and biggest wants don’t have to mimic mine. But if he wants something to enjoy and nurture, a dog would absolutely adore him right back. :) 

I can realize we aren’t romantically compatible without forgetting or downplaying all the positive aspects of who he is. Hm. So yeah, I get it. He doesn’t want to have children, and that’s a deal-breaker for me in regards to a romantic partnership— but it sure as hell isn’t a deal-breaker for a friend! 😁🩷 

Me getting over wanting more might make me a much more fun (and less jumpy) friend for him to have around anyway!! lol